Insane with Abraxane

Here’s the latest cancer update on my brain tumors and new chemotherapy:


I found out yesterday that second MRI following my brain radiation in September did not show much change from the first MRI. Three out of the four tumors looked the same, and even showed slightly more swelling around them. The good news is the tumor in my brain stem, which is the most critical tumor, did show more shrinkage. There were no new spots or tumors. I go back for another MRI in 5 weeks to see if there is any more change. If the swelling persists, I may have to go back on the dreaded steroids.  So it’s not great news, but not terrible news either.

I have had four treatments of my new chemo – Abraxane – and I have been feeling the side effects. My hair is slowly falling out –again. I am exhausted most of the time, I feel nauseous from time to time, I am constipated, my skin is dry, my face is broken out and the tips of fingers and toes are sore and crack easily. The good news is that I am sleeping OK, I am still able to get out of bed and go to work, and I have spurts of energy that allow me to function ‘normally’.

Speaking of ‘normal’ - I have no idea what it feels like to be normal, or wake up and go through an entire day without some ache, pain, tiredness or nausea.  There are days I want to give up, stop treatment, lay on the couch and sleep and just stop the fight. I am utterly sick of feeling sick. I am sick of doctor appointments each week, MRIs, PET scans and waiting for results. I am sick of new meds and treatments and their side effects. I am sick of good news, followed by bad news a few weeks later. I do not feel brave, or confident, or hopeful. Most days, I just go through the motions.

This July it will be four years since I found out I had cancer and I have to say it is wearing me down. It is difficult to look forward to the future, not knowing how I will be feeling from one day to the next. I know this sounds depressing. However, it is how I feel at the moment. Deep down, I know I will not give up. I know I still have much to live for and reasons to keep fighting.  So I will, somehow.

Enjoy the Christmas picture. Chris the kids and I had a great Christmas and new year’s with family and friends. We are truly blessed!

While Brain Looks Good, Body Does Not

Just when I get some good news about my brain tumors, I get results from a recent PET/CT scan that show 'active' lymph nodes in my chest and torso. This concerned my Oncologist so much that she recommended I get back on chemotherapy. She recommended a drug I have not tried - Abraxane. I start my first treatment today.

Once again, when cancer that is one part of my body seems to be under control (i.e. brain), it is active in another part. Yeah - this pretty much sucks. Like most chemotherapy drugs, I'll have to take Abraxane once a week, and it does have side effects (like lowered white and red blood cell counts and surprise, surprise, hair loss). It looks like I will not have a full head of hair for awhile. I suppose I should be more concered about nausea, diarreah and a compromised immune system, but for some reason the lack of hair growth is getting me down more than all of that.

As I struggle with another cancer phase, I still am trying to see the bright side of my life. I am able to drive now (yay!), I have great insurance, I am used to wearing head wraps, I am happy waking up every day knowing I have an awesome family, lots of people who love and pray for me, a decent job and a roof over my head. And Christmas is coming, which is one of my favorite times of year.

This is difficult. No question. Still - I plan to be around for awhile.

Love to you all!

GOOD NEWS - Brain Tumors got the Beat Down!

Family and friends!

Today, I got the MOST EXCELLENT news that the four tumors in my brain have all significantly shrunk in size which means the radiation surgery was a success! My radiologist was VERY pleased with the results, and said that the tumors will probably continue to shrink as the cells die and are absorbed. Even though the tumors are still there, they are much smaller (in some cases by more than half their size) and there is no swelling around the tumors as there had been eight weeks ago. There were no new tumors either. Chris, my mom and dad and I gathered around the computer screen when Dr. Bajaj showed the scans of my brain side by side - with the MRI scan from 8 weeks ago and the MRI from 2 days ago. We could clearly see the results ourselves - it REALLY was amazing.

Of course I had my expectations low going into the appointment. I was terrified actually. So to get this news - words cannot express how thrilled I am. I know cancer will always be lurking in me and I will always be monitoring it and waiting for results. It's this positive direction that I want to keep heading. I am still in shock - but it is a happy shock.

I am so incredibly grateful for the news, for the surgeons, for every prayer, everyone who supports me, for life, for my wonderful family, for feeling good and now for being able to look at the future.

Here's what happens next with treatment:
1. Monitoring brain with regular MRI scans (next one in 8 weeks)
2. Continuing Herceptin every three weeks to treat the cancer in my body
3. Quarterly PET/CT scans to check the cancer in my body (next one is last week of November)
4. I get to drive again in Mid December.
5. Tapering of steroids ending by November 30.

Please spread the word in all of your networks that EVERYONE's prayers and wishes and positive thoughts REALLY made the difference. This is beyond me and even beyond medicine.

Love and kisses and hugs and thanks to you all!

- Annie

October had Highs and Lows - Ending with Halloween Fun

In Annie’s health world – October was ‘rock-tober’ because I felt consistently energized and almost  ‘normal’ for the whole month. I am down to 8 mgs of steroids a day (from 24 mgs) and my hair is starting to grow back. It’s in weird patches, but at least it is growing. Maybe the wraps will go away around Christmas.

While feelin’ good - I happily have been able to tackle many household projects that have long been overdue – cleaning, organizing, throwing out junk – my weekends have been very productive. I have the need to lighten my load, clear out closets, and organize things. Chris and I took on a temporary tenant at his house in the valley, and we’ve done lots of work around his house too. I have been able to get lots done at work, too and I am really liking my job at PTA.

One the ‘lows’ this month – and this is a big one – we had to put our loving dog, Lance, down. Most of my family knows the details. In a nutshell – he developed an inoperable tumor on one of his front legs, and could not walk. He started limping on his front leg and it gradually got worse over a month. Two weeks ago, he was in so much pain, we took him to the vet. There was no medication that touched it. He developed a fever, stopped eating and drinking, and barely moved for three days. With the advanced arthritis in his back legs, it was too much. Anyway – at the vet, he went peacefully – it was a very Marley and Me experience. We are still dealing with the loss of his presence. Here is one of the last photos of him on his feet. Best. Dog. Ever.

Jake and his friend Jonathan

On a much lighter note – tonight we had a great Halloween. Check out the pictures. And I just heard my brother Dan and his wife, Courtney announced they are having baby number two in June. Life goes on!

Killer Grace

Devil Chris and Wifey Witch

My next big moment is getting the MRI test results on my brain tumors next week. Some days I am anxious about it. I think I cannot plan my life until after November 10. I really hope it is good news. Really. And I really hope I can drive again. Really.

Love to you all.

Feelin Good, Waiting for Results

It’s been over a week since the radiation surgery, and I am feeling pretty good these last few days. It’s the magic of steroids. They reduce the swelling around the brain tumors and provide me with energy and an appetite. The negative side effects of face bloating, acne, facial hair, and the inability to sleep in more than a four hour stretch at night – I can handle. I am thankful every day I can get up without feeling nauseous and I can go to work and be somewhat functional at home at the end of the day. I will be taking the steroids in reduced doses over the next 3-4 weeks. 

The next update I will get from my medical team on the effects of the surgery will be on November 10. Dr. Bajaj (my radiologist) will review the MRI scans I get on November 8, and depending on the results, will make a plan for next steps. I also meet Dr. Wilkinson (oncologist) later the same day to see if I need to change my current Herceptin treatments, which are now back to every three weeks. My last PET scan a month ago showed no significant tumor growth in my lymph nodes or liver. They are still there – just not advancing in size, which is good.

My hair growth is just now starting in patchy spots. It is way too soon to know how or even if my hair will grow back completely, and honestly, I don’t care. I don’t mind wearing wraps. I don’t miss messing with hair styles, cuts, products, and all that goes into hair-care. That does not mean there is a side of me that would like to look ‘normal.’ Of course that would be ideal. However one major conclusion that I have come to throughout this process is that feeling good is incredibly more important than looking good. I feel good.

As usual, I need to end this post with gobs of gratitude to my supportive family, friends and co-workers. My parents continue to drive my bald headed body to and from work every day, to and from dozens of doctor’s appointments, and have been there for me every step of the way. My patient husband, Chris and my wonderful kids and all those people who have me on prayer lists and offer smiles of encouragement – I could not get out of bed in the morning without you.

Love,

Annie

Stereotactic radio surgery - one more cancer adventure complete.

After 11 hours at Fairfax Hospital I got home last night at 7:15pm. My parents stayed with me just about the whole time. The surgery lasted 90 minutes. Chris took me home and nursed my head wounds. The worst part of the day was installing the head frame in the morning (see lovely photo). They gave me lots of shots of lidocaine to numb the four spots where they attached the 6 pound frame. The second worst part was waiting until 5:00pm in a room with a TV. Thanks to Grace I had some videos to watch to pass the time.

Everyone at the hospital was so nice. They made the experience as good as it could be. My biggest pain right now is the holes in my head are sore, where the frame was attached all day. Advil should take care of it. And I am on an intense steroid schedule again and those side effects are awful. But I need to keep taking them, to reduce the swelling around the brain tumors as a result of this procedure. I will get an MRI in 6 weeks to see how this worked, so once again I am in a holding pattern.

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts and messages. You make this experience so much easier to take.  Thanks to mom and dad for being with me and for Chris who visited and held my hand and comforted me.

I love you all so much!!

Upcoming Procedures

Upcoming Procedures

My doctors scheduled my stereotactic radio surgery for next Tuesday, September 27. It is an all-day ordeal, starting at 8:30am at Fairfax hospital, when they literally screw a frame to my skull. I then get a few scans, and then I have to wait around with this frame on my head until about 4:30pm for the actual surgery to begin. That will take about two hours. Then I get to go home – no overnight stay. Other than scabs from the head frame, the side effects from the procedure should be minimal.

For you medical geeks, the link to the website below describes the procedure.

http://virginiaradiation.com/stereotactic.html

Today I had a PET scan (my usual quarterly check) and I get my results from that this Friday. I sure could use some good news, so I hope the cancer in my body remains under control.

I am still not feeling well in general, and I will be SO glad when all these tests and procedures are done.

Keep me in your prayers.