Friday, March 15, 2013

Warning: Not Good News

Family and friends:
I wish I had better news to report. As it turns out, a recent ultrasound on my abdomen indicated two issues: I have a tumor on my bile duct which has really messed up my gall bladder (it’s sludgy) and the tumors in my liver are active again, causing me to have yellow eyes (jaundice).

My oncologist said it is really too late for surgery – or new medications. We’ve been monitoring the brain so much the tumors in my liver are taking over. There’s basically nothing they can do at this point. She recommended that I contact hospice for any care I need to receive regarding this transition phase of my cancer – which means a team of people to come check on me and deal with pain management. I have met with hospice and they assured me that they will help in any way possible – at least two visits per week..

Mom and dad, Chris, Erin, Jake, Joanie and Jennifer and I met with hospice reps to hear about their services.
This news is really shocking to many of you I am sure. It is to me. I go from anger to sadness to being overwhelmed with this turn of events. Hospice to me is the final journey in this cancer adventure. Even though I want to see family and friends – I really have to limit my energy and I can’t have a revolving door of visitors. Maybe I will work out a schedule. My diet is restrictive so meals are not needed. Prayers and restaurant gift cards are the best.

I feel tired and weak most of the time. Erin (home on break) has been wonderful to me. I am still happy to go to bed and night and wake up in the morning.  I feel surrounded by support; even though I think my path is a disappointment for all who had hope.  I am sorry. I don’t want this to happen and I don’t want to leave. It is just too fast, too soon.

Love to you all,

Sunday, March 10, 2013

So Tired of This Sh^%

The weekend at the beach with Chris and the dogs was nice, It was cold and rainy the first two days, and warm and sunny the last day. No one was on the beach road so driving was wonderful. I fell a few times due to dizziness and imbalance and really did not do too much damage to myself. Chris was always right there to help. It really scares him when I fall, and I suppose I would be the same way.

We came home to a living room all set up as a beach scene thanks to family and friends and it was SO cool how they had the canopy mural and photos all set up.

I am feeling really ‘down’ these days and am totally sick of having to move slowly and carefully to get around the house. I hate cancer. There are moments I want to give up. I get tired so easily – getting dressed and showered is a task. I still have physical therapy, and I will know more after my next brain MRI in a few weeks.

Thanks for all the cards and prayers and your support.

Love to you all,