Yup. It’s come to that. I had a spill at the top of my stairs yesterday (my bedroom is in the basement.) I just did not clear the top step so it was a fall forward – not backward. Unfortunately Jake was there to see me tumble and land on my right side – I was kind of yelling in surprise and pain while doing a 4-part landing. I did not hurt myself that much – there will be bruises – but more mental disappointment than anything else.
Jake was angry. He’s angry at this whole thing. ’Mom’s should not be like this.’ He thinks I can get over this with a strict exercise regime. I know he’s scared and upset and wants me to be better. He helped me to my feet and we talked about the incident later. I am proud of his ability to express himself so well. I think he may need to talk to a third party to express his feelings on this whole thing.
It always brings me to tears having my loved ones (especially my kids) to see me like this.This is not me – weak – helpless – restricted. Moments when I think I can overcome anything and moments when I want to phone it in forever. Saturday in the valley Chris had to help me off the floor. It was terribly embarrassing but true.
My next set of scans on my brain and body will probably happen at the end of January. I am only taking steroids and Keppra (anti-seizure meds), my daily antidepressant (which keeps me on this planet) and an antibiotic 3 x a week. It’s weird to be off so many meds. We’ll see what the scans reveal.
Here’s the good stuff:
· I am home from work on Short Term Disability. Less pay, but gives me time to heal and rest my work-psychotic brain. It’s killing me and helping me at the same time-- not to be working for an organization that I swear kept me alive the last 2 years. I am still not sure when, if and how I will make it back
Chris gets the super hero award for being my sounding board, doing all the chores and well – for trying to hide the fact that he is terrorized about my health too.
· Jake taught me how to add songs to my iPod, and I was a terrible student.
· The girls are back to school and I miss them but I am very proud of them.
· I received a card from a woman who I hardly know yet it was a random act of kindness that shined a light in my heart.
· As always, I look forward to a nice warm shower, a layer of gold bond to soothe and take the pain away from my rashy skin and take a nap once a day – it’s the little pleasures.
· I am getting new glasses and a new left contact lens. Hazah – sight!
It’s peace out time now. Projects while I am home are many – mostly paperwork. Chris and I have so much to synch with our millions of investments and properties. Uh yeah.
Keep those prayers a comin. I still have much to live for and be thankful for.